Refugees Would Stand A Better Chance If They Were Gorillas, Admits UN


MARKING World Refugee Day yesterday, the UN confessed to the fact that if refugees displaced from their homeland for a variety of reasons, including fear of persecution and war, wanted to receive empathic and humane treatment from fellow human beings, they would be best transforming into gorillas.

“Funnily enough, humans aren’t too keen on other humans. Their empathy just seems to stop, and a part of the brain that judges people kicks in. Now, gorillas, they’re fucking mad for gorillas,” head of the Un Ban Ki Moon explained to WWN.

“I’m not advocating the practice, but I would say if refugees were to stitch together a gorilla costume they might find themselves fast tracked into a safe and humane environment by people eager to help gorillas,” Moon added.

Despite the fact that a record total of 65 million people are currently defined as refugees, Moon confirmed that due to a scarcity of people caring about other people, the UN would seek to recommend refugees attempt to get shot and killed in American zoos in an effort to raise the profile of their respective plights.

“Whether you come from Somalia, Darfur, Syria, Kerry, Burma or elsewhere, you should maybe try to be less human and more gorilla like, people seem to really connect to that rather than stories of death and sexual violence,” Moon added.

Upon learning of the heartbreaking circumstances, millions of refugees find themselves in, the rest of the world queried why there’s a World Refugee Day and not a World Gorilla Day.