Local Smoker Never Seems To Have His Own Lighter, Cigarettes

LOCAL smoker Ciaran Lynch is always short of a lighter and a cigarette when out with friends, a recent study has concluded.

Lynch, a Waterford native, who has had a 20-a-day habit for much of his adult life, always acts surprised by the fact he never has cigarettes on his person.

“Shite, left my cigs back in me gaff, got a spare one?” the 33-year-old regularly spouts in beer gardens, despite everyone being aware of his habit for other people’s cigarettes.

“Scabby prick can’t be arsed spending money on smokes,” Conor Drummond, a close associate of Lynch’s told WWN. “And if you refuse him, he asks for the butt of the cigarette you’re actually smoking, like it’s owed to him somehow for calling it”.

In an effort to cement his routine, Lynch regularly pats himself down several times, reaching into his pockets, rolling his eyes to the heavens at his own forgetful nature, before then asking for a cigarette and then a lighter.

“I usually ask him if he wants me to smoke it for him as well?” Drummond added. “But he conveniently ignores this jibe”.

It is believed Lynch’s friends wouldn’t mind his tendency to ask for a lighter or cigarette if it weren’t for the fact he always promises to ‘get them back’, confirming ‘I owe you a box at this stage’.

“I’m waiting 10 years for that first cigarette he ‘borrowed’ from me in school; I’d say we’re into the thousands now,” Leanne Colley, another friend of Lynch’s concluded.