Insurance Premiums Increase 7000% In Last 24 Hours Due To The Weather Or Something


CAR insurance firms have defended the 7000% increase in insurance premiums in the last 24 hours, citing the weather or some shit as the obvious reason such increases were unavoidable.

“I dunno, there’s a bit of glare when drivers are driving at the moment, from the Sun like, and we’ve crunched the numbers and obviously that means a driver with 79 years no claims bonus, driving a .00001 litre car will have to pay €11,000 which is only fair,” explained snake in the grass and insurance broker Killian Thomand.

In recent times motorists have seen prices rise by 35%, but this latest impromptu hike is thought to be biggest increase yet.

“Extraneous factors are at play here, the international insurance market is a thing that’s extraneous, and that, and that’s a thing that affects stuff,” confirmed insurance broker Colm Kenny while reading from a sheet of pre-prepared bullshit.

“And as you know, I don’t think I have to tell you what an average wind speed on Tuesday of 6 miles per hour means for male drivers between the ages of 19 and 20,” Kenny confirmed while rifling through our wallet in search of yet more money.

Kenny then showed WWN the data driven approach to premiums which delivered accurate and fair charges.

“It’s actually all calculated on a photocopier which just prints out an A4 page that has ‘charge more’ written on it. It’s a flawless system,” Kenny concluded.