Ireland’s Only Nudist Beach Closed After Woman Scratches Her Own Eyes Out


WICKLOW county council has ordered the immediate closure of the country’s only nudist beach after a local woman reportedly scratched her own eyes out, WWN has learned.

Coolbarra strand, just minutes away from the popular Brittas Bay beach, was given the go ahead to become Ireland’s first ever public nudist beach but was dramatically shut down 3 minutes after it opened.

It is believed 33-year-old Deirdre Barry was out walking her dog on the strand when she inadvertently caught sight of several nude and pasty Irish bodies.

“Our only conclusion is that when she caught sight of out of shape people and their wobbly bits she went insane, and in an attempt to cease the horrors of what she was witnessing she scratched her eyes out,” paramedic Aaron Boggins told WWN.

Wicklow county council ordered that Coolbarra strand be awarded a ‘no go area’ status and apologised for approving the beach’s nudity status.

“We thought Ireland was ready for it, but we didn’t take into account just how disturbingly pale, beer-bellied bodies attached to willies can be to someone who is taken by surprise,” councillor Ian Jennings explained shortly before resigning in disgrace.

Boggins went on to confirm that the nudist beach was made up entirely of single men who were ‘a bit weird’, which can’t have helped with easing the visual trauma experienced by Miss Barry.