Sneezing Your Way To An Orgasm – We Show You How!


AS all sexually proficient men and women are well aware, a good sneeze is the equivalent to one eighth of an orgasm. The sensory pleasure of eight successive sneezes would result in a glorious sensation akin to the most mind blowing of orgasms, yet such a streak of sneezes remains elusive to the average person; until now that is.

Allow WWN to guide you through the essential tips for achieving ‘the sneezegasm’. Once you’ve mastered it, you won’t know yourself and may have to buy a new pair of trousers (in case that reference isn’t clear you will need a new pair of pants because of all the intense ejaculating you’ll be doing in them).

Step one is to jump on eBay and search out a, what else, Japanese invention known as the ‘snuzzle muzzle’. Retailing at €19.99 this muzzle covers the nose and has a special slot to place pepper or freshly cut grass in, substances which are known to bring about sneezes.

We should add, it is recommended to carry around bright and near-blinding lights with you at all time, which can encourage a sneeze along to climax as it forms in its infancy.

It is very important to resist the first crest of a hint of a tickle of a temptation to sneeze. A mistake so many make is to throw all their weight behind that first sneeze when they first anticipate it is about to culminate. WRONG. Be patient, resist it a little.

Let it build as your eyes tighten, it is now time to begin the phase known as ‘sneeze arousal’.

Your body will sense your cat and mouse game with your initial sneeze and it responds by sending yet more lovely itches and twitches with more mucus. It is now time to strike.

After the first successful sneeze, don’t ‘want’ it too much, that usually scuppers the momentum, just let it wash over you as too much eagerness can result in just one massive sneeze. If you have timed it right, a second one will come along instantly, you’re 25% of the way there.

Now, shift focus and want it, want it, want it and want it some more. You’ve opened a clear line through your body. 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8. Christ 8!

If you’re not rolling around the floor in a pool of your own juices while doing an impression of an epileptic fit than you’ve done something wrong and didn’t follow our instructions properly. But, if you have, well, it’s time to light a cigarette.