Chelsea Livid With Doping Doctor After Poor Results This Season


A NUMBER of unnamed Chelsea players are requesting their money back from a doctor caught on tape by the Sunday Times admitting he administers performance enhancing drugs to high profile Premier League players.

Citing an all round awful season this year marked by poor result after poor result, several players have come forward and demanded a refund as the drugs have failed to help them in any way.

“When we got spanked by Everton, we had a feeling maybe it was just a placebo drug. And there’s no way Arsenal are on them, we’ve seen them play for Christ’s sake, they’re rubbish,” explained one anonymous Chelsea player.

“You invest in a product that makes all these claims about enhancing performance and then we lose to teams like Bournemouth, it’s time to get in touch with the consumer watchdog, isn’t it?” added the player, who has by all accounts been absolutely shite this season.

The anger amongst Chelsea players is palpable as a more professional attitude to doping by the doctor embroiled in the scandal could have seen the London club reach the dizzying heights of Arsenal as Arsene Wenger’s team are competing for the Champions League Place Trophy for yet another year.

Many football fans around the world have found it easy to dismiss allegations of widespread doping in the sport, stating that if they weren’t going to abandon the sport over the deaths of trafficked workers building world cup stadiums in Qatar, they were hardly going to grow a moral compass over this.

“Relax guys, there’s no way Chelsea are doping, I’ve seen Ivanovic play this season,” assured one expert football and Chelsea fan Colm Higgins.