Tearful Men Shave Their Beards & Begin Burning Their 3-Piece Suits
THE fallout from a shocking UFC 196 continues this morning as mournful masses of young Irish men began to shave off their beards and dispose of their three piece suits, WWN has learned.
“I just don’t know what to believe in anymore,” confirmed 19-year-old Davy O’Neill as he set fire to his three piece suit, still reeling from Conor McGregor’s loss to Nate Diaz which showcased McGregor’s fallibility as a human.
The high level of despondency amongst fans has hit the world’s leading suit manufacturers as well as Penneys, as shares in the three-piece suit industry plummeted by over 40%. A number of former diehard Conor McGregor fans had gathered in Dublin’s city centre this morning to douse their suits in large quantities of fuel before setting them on fire.
“You think the suit companies have it bad, I’m down 80% of my revenue compared to last week,” explained Daniel Higgins a Dublin-based barber.
“We called it ‘Manicure it Mondays’, the lads would come in and get their beards trimmed, depending on how McGregor had it styled that week, but I’ve only had one or two lads in this morning, and it was next to impossible to trim their beards as they wouldn’t stop crying. Some of them didn’t even bother practising their McGregor trash talk in the mirror”.
Despite the air of negativity, a number of fans have been left impressed by McGregor’s humble post-fight appearances with a particular Instagram post from the MMA fighter galvanising many into writing their own posts of support on social media, some of which are said to longer than Ulysses in length.
MMA experts have warned against reading any McGregor-related postings for at least a week, as they could prove damaging to your health.