Speed Van Gonna Park On Whatever Road Makes The Most Money

A COUNTY Kilkenny speed van operator has defended his decision to continuously park on a well known road for speed offenses, as opposed to less busier spots, admitting that revenue comes before safety.

Speaking exclusively to WWN, Patrick Hegarty said he has targets to meet and had no qualms about remaining in situ, despite dozens of other designated speed van spots in his given area.

“This road brings in the big bucks,” he began. “It’s the only stretch on this road you can actually overtake, so when someone is driving below the limit, it usually forces people to overtake, making us a fucking fortune.”

Making a ‘cha-ching’ noise while feeding imaginary money into the air, Hegarty claims other locations on his map sometimes put him to sleep and says, like any job, ‘busy is better’.

“Safety me arse, lad,” he explained. “When I see a car going 190km down the road, I don’t say ‘jaysis, he’d want to slow down a bit’, no, instead it’s more like ‘that’s my quota filled for the month’. It’s all economics baby”.

The firm that operates the network of speed camera vans for the Gardaí received monthly payments of €1.5m last year.