‘Hash Wednesday’ Slowly Overtaking Ash Wednesday In Popularity


THE Vatican have finally admitted defeat in their quest to keep Ash Wednesday the most popular observance on the day after Pancake Tuesday, formally known as Shrove Tuesday.

Figures released by The Central Agency for Releasing Figures (CARF) today have confirmed that the emerging religious practice called ‘Hash Wednesday’ is now infinitely more popular than rubbing a bit of ash on your head.

Hash Wednesday involves stockpiling large quantities of hashish and honing your spiritual connection to God via smoking the substance throughout the day.

“This is my first Hash Wednesday, and it’s deadly,” confirmed one spiritual individual by the name of Mark Morgan in a chilled out and relaxed manner typical of Hash Wednesday.

The Vatican, however, has refused to formally adopt the practice into Catholic religious observance.

“The moment people found out Jesus loved pancakes, they started naming Shrove Tuesday Pancake fucking Tuesday, and now this, honestly, we give trying,” confirmed publicist for the Vatican Fr. Carlo Fontaggio.

“We tried to get ahead of the game and incorporated it by making the ash out of hash, but then someone told us putting that on people’s heads is not how hash works,” added Fr. Fontaggio.