Nation Struggling To Catch Up On All This Election Bullshit


THE majority of the Nation has today put its hands up and admitted it is struggling to catch up on all this election bullshit, and urged party leaders to hurry up and get on with it.

Speaking at breakfast today, the Nation said it couldn’t be arsed with any of the potential candidates for Taoiseach, stating that it ‘doesn’t matter a fuck who gets in’, just as long as someone does it quickly, before the country ‘turns to shit… again’.

“Fianna Fáil, Fine Gael, they’re all the same,” the Nation barked, now eating several thousand different types of cereal at the kitchen table. “They’re just a customer service department for the banks, and nothing else. It’s not like they have much of a say on anything, so just put whatever dummy in there and let them do their fucking job”.

So far, a series of contentious recounts mean the final tally of TD numbers is not yet known, but it is clear all the main parties are well short of a minority and the make up of potential coaltions remain unclear.

“The point we’re trying to make is we don’t fucking trust any of you politician pricks, so just go appoint another clown for us to ridicule for the next 5 years,” added the Nation, now urinating into a toilet bowl, occasionally splashing the seat in some strange form of retaliation.

It is understood that a Fianna Fáil/Fine Gael coalition is rumoured, but doesn’t look likely due to the vast differences between the two parties.

“Fianna Fáil likes to fuck you from the front, looking you in the eyes, while Fine Gael takes you from behind while pulling your hair,” concluded the Nation. “Either way, we’re all fucked.”