Student 5 Months Into Philosophy Course Disappears Up Own Hole


A FIRST year philosophy student currently attending UCD has disappeared up his own hole after becoming well versed in the musings of Barthes, Plato and Camus.

“Initially Mark was mostly visible to the naked eye,” explained long time friend of Mark Brearton, Cathal Cowan, “but I saw it happening and sadly I did nothing as he ever so slowly disappeared up his own hole”.

Brearton, a previously engaging and well meaning 18-year-old, shifted conversational style upon first clasping his eyes of the notion of Existentialism and Reason – from that of an unpretentious and keen learner to a style more befitting someone who purely enjoyed the sound of his own voice.

“He said to me ‘once you’ve appraised Barthes’s work, you’re sort of always going to send yourself down this deconstructuralist path, well look, this isn’t evident to you, but you should open yourself up to art not through the prism of the artist’ and that was the last time I saw him,” another friend of Brearton’s, Vicky Kearns told WWN.

“I would have put up missing posters, or called his folks to see if they’d seen him, but it was pretty obvious he disappeared up his own hole,” Kearns added.

Gardaí have criticised UCD philosophy lectures as Brearton is the 39th student to go missing up their own holes, never to be found again.

“Not only will he likely never to be found, he also leaves a trail of parties and social outings ruined by his shite talk,” confirmed Garda Gerry Nolan, head of the Garda Anti Own Hole Unit.