Ireland Voted Best Little Country In The World To Abuse Children In


FOLLOWING the truly harrowing accounts of abuse suffered in a Waterford foster home, which affected over 40 children and the failure of the HSE to do anything about it, Ireland has officially taken the crown of the best little country in the world in which to abuse children in.

“This award isn’t just for the HSE, or for this Government, it’s a lifetime of work of many State institutions, politicians, the Church and Irish society in general. We can all be proud of it, I feel like this is a trophy for everyone really,” Taosieach Enda Kenny said when happily accepting the award on behalf of the country.

“Any publicity is good publicity for Ireland,” confirmed the Taoiseach before placing the award cast using the tears of children on the shelf next to a homemade ‘best little country in the world in which to do business’ trophy.

Considerable groundwork was put in by previous generations to make the high profile award possible, with the 2012 report into the deaths of children known to State child protection services revealing 112 ‘non natural’ deaths between 2000 and 2010. The judging panel also took the deaths of several people under the age of 18 dying in Garda custody and the large number of babies who were born in Magdelene Laundries and subsequently sold by the Church into account.

“That would be very much the tip of the iceberg, we also took into account the benign effect the Murphy and Ryan reports had on a societal level, and then Minister for Education Michael Woods’s decision to limit the liability of the Church in the amount of compensation it would pay victims of abuse… putting in place almost zero accountability for anyone was a stroke of genius,” outlined head of the judging panel for the award Norman Hardwicke.

Yesterday the head of the HSE apologised profusely for the body’s extensive failures in the newly constructed ‘Apology Room’ in Leinster House.

The room was constructed after criticism that the apologies to abuse survivors, Magdelene Laundries survivors, Symphysiotomy survivors, Tuam babies and those abused in care homes had no dedicated room in which to receive apologies.

“We can bang out 10 apologies per day in a dedicated facility like this, I haven’t a clue what we’re apologising for half the time but it’s a no brainer. Apology issued, job done, problem solved,” concluded the Taoiseach.