Government Hike Trinity Sexual Consent Class Fees


THERE was further woe for cash-strapped students today, after the government announced that it would be imposing extra tuition fees on colleges that were holding sexual consent workshops such as the one recently announced for Trinity College freshers.

The classes, which are compulsory for all new TCD students, are modelled after a similar scheme in England, and are a direct response to research that suggests one in four students have had a non-consensual sexual experience during their time in college, with both male and female students reporting experiences of being stalked or subjected to obsessive behaviour.

Although some groups have claimed that 17 and 18 year olds who are just entering into a new era of independence, drinking and sexual discovery don’t need a course to tell them how to know if a passed out classmate wants the ride or not, the courses were widely welcomed by student groups; until the news this morning that the government would be imposing a 5% rise in tuition fees to cover the costs.

“We’re not running a charity here,” said a spokesperson for the Department of Education.

“If these kids are getting an extra bit of free education, then they’re going to have to pay for it. I will admit though, the fact that they’re learning about consent while we’re screwing them is just a delicious irony”.