Government Pledge To Roll Out Fibre Optic Bullshit Network Before Election

THE Government is acting on a previous pledge to ensure the voting public has one of the world’s leading fibre optic bullshit networks ahead of the upcoming election.

Previously, voters have complained that the bullshit espoused by politicians doesn’t reach them quickly enough, and that the public has to expend a lot of energy to obtain up-to-minute bullshit updates.

“We’ve heard the people’s request, and now we’re acting on it,” explained Minister for Communications Alex White at the launch of the new network.

During previous election cycles, voters had to rely on hand delivered leaflets, knocks on the door, and carefully placed print and online ads to receive their bullshit.

“You just connect this cable into your house and switch on the box and you get all the latest bullshit straight into your brain when you plug this in,” the minister added as he demonstrated how the bullshit network worked by claiming Labour wouldn’t get destroyed in the upcoming elections.

While the network is being put in place starting today, rural voters are advised the connection can drop at any moment, and it may feel like they don’t matter at all, but the Government assured voters that simply isn’t the case.

Opposition parties will be allowed to use the fibre optic bullshit network as well, which experts confirm will be of the same benefit to voters as the Government parties.