Housewives Advised To Bury Savings After Ireland Qualify For Euro 2016


IN a special announcement from the financial regulator, housewives across the country are being advised to bury their savings in a discreet location after Ireland qualified for the 2016 UEFA European Championship last night.

The announcement came almost immediately after the Republic of Ireland beat Bosnia 2-0 at the Aviva Stadium, securing their place in the finals with a 3-1 win on aggregate.

Housewives across the country got up extra early today to make the trip to banks, building societies and credit unions, emptying their joint accounts and withdrawing their savings in cash.

Many of these women took the cash, some of which was measured in thousands, and hid it throughout the house for safekeeping. In some instances, the cash was sealed in a waterproof container and buried in the backyard, where husbands and partners would not be able to use it to blow it all on a trip to Paris to see Ireland eke out a series of scoreless draws.

“You can fit nearly ten thousand euros in a Coleman’s Mustard jar,” read the Financial Regulator’s statement.

“This can then be wrapped in clingfilm, then put into a jam jar, and silicone mastic pumped in around it. This should allow you to bury your cash safely, until Euro 2016 is over. Most banks and building societies have been contacted, and a special system is in place where your interest rates and savings schemes are still in place until you re-lodge the cash in August”.

Meanwhile, the Financial Regulator has also put a series of blocks in place to prevent people taking out loans for “renovations” over the next 9 months.