No Fellow Countryman Allowed To Wear The Poppy, Confirms Irish Manchester United Fan

A 23-YEAR-OLD Dublin based Manchester United fan has explained to anyone who will listen that it is not acceptable to wear the poppy if you’re Irish.

Graham Kenny, a lifelong fan of Manchester United, a club that backs the Poppy Appeal, has informed absolutely everyone on the island that despite their misapprehensions, there is only one acceptable viewpoint to take on all matters relating to Ireland, which must entirely reflect his own beliefs.

Citing his stringent set of principles and morals, he confirmed he couldn’t in good conscience leave things unsaid as so many of those around him didn’t care that money they have would go towards the British Legions in one form or another.

Kenny has informed people through his social media accounts that no one is to defy his request that ‘pricks don’t wear the fucking poppy’ as it is disrespectful to those in Northern Ireland, a location to which he has never been.

The Dubliner singled out UFC champ Conor McGregor for wearing the poppy and expressed his disappointment as he had previously considered McGregor to be a “class fucking hero altogether” up until this point.

Going into further detail, Kenny copy and pasted large swathes of text from Wikipedia detailing British soldiers’ actions in Northern Ireland and added that if he had his way wearing a poppy would be punishable by death, adding “hang the fuckers”.

The die hard Manc, who in recent years has made 10 trips to Old Trafford, which was used as a military depot during World War II, would however not close his Sky Bet account despite the company’s efforts in raising money for the British Legion’s Poppy Appeal.

“I’ve 10 quid on Celtic to win 5-0, I can’t walk away from that, I’ve got a free bet there too,” explained the Tesco employee, who objected to his employers continued efforts to raise money for soldiers in the UK, but stopped short of resigning his position.