WWN Previews Ireland’s Opponents Argentina

IT’S the quarter finals of the Rugby World Cup and only Argentina stand in the way a historic semi-final spot for the boys in green. Our rugby correspondent Vaughan Hickey Horgan O’Donnell Cumisky Byrne tells you all you need to know about Ireland’s opponents:

ARGENTINA

Team nicknames: Los Pumas, Los Losers.

Biggest club names: El Rugby Team, Boca Old Age Pensioners, The Erotically Charged Tangos.

Strengths: fantastic beef industry that produces steaks to die for, historically their eye-gouging technique has been the best in the game, their Latin temperament has led to exciting and dynamic rugby.

Weaknesses: Their Latin temperament could lead to them losing the fucking plot at any moment, Madonna was shite in that shite film about Eva Peron. Maradonna has been spotted at a number of Argentina’s games so far so there is every chance that high on a mix of drugs, alcohol and excessive sugar, the footballing great will enter the dressing room with a gun and insist on playing at fly-half, a position he is ill-suited to. Have been less successful than Ireland when it comes to driving to the Brits off a small island.

Star player: Martin Landajo

Special moves: the cunning scrum half always looks to exploit any gap in the opposition’s defensive lines, also sends photoshopped pictures of his opponents, super-imposed onto his own arse cheeks several minutes before kick off in a bid to throw them off their game.

WWN score prediction: 25-21 to Ireland

What to look out for: Sean O’Brien ignoring his one week ban and occasionally rushing onto the pitch when he feels like it to take someone the fuck out of it. Devin Toner has grown an additional 5 inches in height just for this match.