Hipsters In Mourning After The Web Summit Moves Abroad


INSUFFERABLE tech wankers are said to be in mourning following the news that the Web Summit is to move from its venue in the RDS in Dublin to Lisbon, Portugal.

In previous years, the Web Summit had offered arsehole hipsters who called themselves entrepreneurs a chance to mingle with genuine entrepreneurs, resulting in endless anecdotes about how an app geared towards finding the nearest banana to you could change the world.

While Web Summit organisers’ decision to move to Lisbon will see the area surrounding the RDS lose out on business, the effect has been more devastating to the close knit hipster community.

“Fuck sake, that hashtag was fucking golden for picking up some new followers. We were talking major retweet potential,” Dublin based obnoxious tech hipster Richie Dermody told WWN.

“I picked up hundreds of business cards and emailed people about my ‘Halo for prostitutes’ app idea, but now that they’re fucking off to Portugal how am I going to touch base with these people,” a distraught Dermody added.

There was a somber mood outside the RDS were several people who erroneously describe themselves as ‘creatives’ wandered aimlessly, hoping to pick up a stray wifi signal for their Apple Watches.

Local politicians have said the loss of the Web Summit was regrettable, but that it also had its plus sides.

“Our bullshit emissions here in Ireland, which can be toxic, will be cut dramatically by 85% as a result of this, so it’s not all bad,” concluded local councillor Barry Strand.