Fianna Fáil Deny Claims They Are Attempting To Mix Ahern & Haughey DNA In Lab
FIANNA FÁIL have denied claims that the party, in a desperate attempt to return to a position of influence in Irish politics, have turned to the scientific field of genetic engineering.
Despite the obvious moral questions, it is believed rogue Ógra Fianna Fáil members have gained access to the DNA of both Bertie Ahern and Charles Haughey and intend to build what many insiders have referred to as a ‘Super Politician’.
“These are ludicrous accusations, and I can tell you all now that Fianna Fáil doesn’t have a DNA lab, and it isn’t located off Pearse Street, and there most certainly isn’t a secret entrance via a manhole,” a visibly angry Fianna Fáil leader Micheál Martin told reporters today.
WWN sources within the party have revealed that completion of the ‘Super Politician’, referred to by opposition TDs as ‘the Super Bastard’, would have been completed several months ago only for in fighting over the ultimate design of the unholy mix of Ahern and Haughey.
“Some in the party said they should spend more time isolating the sly gene in both samples, but others just wanted to find out if their DNA held the key to effective lick arsing and scheming. There’s been many long nights lost to arguing in that lab,” the source confirmed.
The source confirmed that the DNA concoction would not be ready for the upcoming election, but could be expected to begin working behind the scenes some time in 2016.