WWN Event Guide



Irish Army Procession. Crowds will be delighted and entertained by the military procession carried out by the Irish army this Saturday. Make sure you’re on time as the procession of military muscle will last just 5 minutes, as the Government are keen not to show how defenceless, we are lest ISIS, the Brits, the IRA, the Americans or anyone else is watching.


Twink Festival. Sister festival to Gay Pride, this niche festival will celebrate the ‘twinks’ of the gay community, effeminate, thin and youthful gay men. It will also be mistakenly attended by Irish entertainer Twink, who is under the misapprehension the parade is for her. Price-list for various services Twink will offer include: signed photo (€10), hug (€15), unsigned photo (€5), 10 minute conversation (€30). The festival is free and everyone is welcome (except Twink).


Lads hanging out around the Lidl. The start time for this event is unclear, but sometime around Saturday the lads will be hanging around Lidl, you’re welcome to pop along if you want. If you have cans definitely bring them. Will be a laugh, probably.


Irish Mammy Championships. Annual Irish Mammy Championships qualifying rounds kick off this weekend, basic tests include identifying harmless words as curse words, quickest washing line hang up and longest goodbye on the phone. First prize is a new ironing board.


Month’s mind for Cora Moriarty’s pet fish. The Moriarty family welcomes all attendees from the Arklow parish to the month’s mind for Nemo, a dutiful and kind fish. Cora, still reeling from the events of last month, could use all the support the community has to offer. There will be tea and sandwiches after, so honestly, it’s worth your while.


Erotic Ice Cream Eating Championships. Have you got what it takes to lick an ice cream in such a way that gives elderly men a heart attack? Well pop down to Dun Laoghaire this weekend for what is set to be the most competitive Erotic Ice Cream Eating Championships in years. First prize is a sexy 64-page spread in the Sunday Inpendent magazine.