Weigh-In Confirms Local Man Is Punching Well Above His Weight

PATRONS of a Carlow bar held an impromptu weigh-in event last Friday night to determine whether or not local man James Bannon was in fact punching above his weight when it came to his new girlfriend, Gillian Henderson.

Bannon, 25, who could most kindly be described as ‘plain’ looking, had been spotted in the company of the stunning Ms. Henderson, 21, over the past number of weeks.

Although locals initially suggested that they were perhaps friends or workmates, the pair were spotted kissing and laughing in O’Tooles pub in Carlow town, prompting locals to stage a weigh-in which took the form of a bizarre questionnaire.

Mr. Bannon was first checked up and down to see if he had any physical attributes which would clarify why an attractive girl would go out with him, such as a bigger than average penis.

Finding his penis to be normal-sized by a regular in the jacks, Bannon was then asked to call up his online banking to see if he was particularly wealthy: again, this was found not to be the case. A look at his car keys revealed that he didn’t drive a fancy brand-new motor, and Mr. Bannon confirmed that he was not a drug-dealer or any other type of criminal.

With no evidence to suggest that Bannon was rich, had a flash car, a big tool, or access to free drugs, the crowd concluded that they could not understand how he managed to get a girl like Ms. Henderson, confirming that he was “doing very well for himself”.

At many points during the procedure, Ms. Henderson attempted to explain to the mob that she was going out with Mr. Bannon because he was actually really sound and very funny and she really liked him, but nobody really paid her much attention.