Earth’s Orbit Of Sun Stuck In The Winter Bit


LOCAL astronomers have confirmed today that the Earth has unexpectedly stopped mid-orbit around the sun and has remained stationary in the ‘winter bit’ since the beginning of the year.

Prof. Terrence Freeman of Waterford’s Institute of Technology said the stoppage has caused the weather to remain the same for the last seven months and doesn’t think it will change anytime soon.

“We’re stuck in Winter so it’s best everyone just gets that into their heads before complaining,” he told a packed conference room at the prestigious college campus today. “The Earth stopped sometime around the 6th or 7th of January due to reasons unknown. Luckily the planet is still spinning on its axis for the moment; if that stops we’re all screwed.”

“You are all going to have to just deal with it,” he added abruptly.

Winter, a season of the year that follows Autumn, is due to remain in the Northern hemisphere for the foreseeable future, leaving the Southern hemisphere basking in Summer.

“We’ll get used to it eventually,” climatologist Ray Burke told WWN. “Humans and animals are great at adapting to change so there will be no great implications for the moment. However, the whole food crop cycle thing may be an issue in the future.”

The Earth, which now lays spinning dormant in the winter bit, will continue to give us longer days in the summer and shorter in the winter due to a wobble in its axis.