Nation Shocked To Learn Of Bank’s Ineptitude


THE Nation was shocked to learn of the ineptitude displayed by those managing the mortgage accounts of 1,300 customers with Permanent TSB and Springboard Mortgages, questioning if such a mistake could be made by an Irish banking institution.

In the most severe cases, some 22 mortgage holders lost their lost homes due to the errors.

“Are you sure now, because as long as I’ve known it, banks in Ireland have been exemplary run,” explained man on the street Henry Joyce, “I can’t fault the banks, sure didn’t they give me a mortgage when I asked just like that, no paperwork, nothing. So, now I think you’ll have to check your facts”.

Mr. Joyce’s disbelief was echoed by thousands of other people on the streets today, who were still struggling to grasp the concept of a poorly run Irish bank.

“Sorry, just gimme a second here. Some people lost their homes because a bank wasn’t able to correctly carry out the services they advertise in those cutesy stop motion cuddly cuddly, nicey nicey ads,” queried mortgage holder Evelyn Gordon, “no, sorry explain it one more time, honestly I’ll get it this time”.

“What? There is just no history of banks being poorly run in this country, where the hell did this come from,” added a visibly distressed user of banks Martin Holey.

Permanent TSB management for their part were at pains to stress that the apology they had drafted for their customers went through at least three drafts before being given the OK.

“I said to Mary, I said you know what we’ve only said sorry twice in that one. So honest to God, we had a sit down to gather ourselves and we rewrote it and as God is my witness, there’s at least three sorrys in there now,” explained a spokesman for the bank.

The spokesman added that the banks plan for compensating those affected by the ineptitude was carefully arrived at once they found the smallest, least insulting meagre figure.

However, despite all their efforts some were less than convinced by the bank and the Irish banking sector as a whole.

“This is what you get when you don’t have a banking regulator, this country’s a joke,” offered disgruntled bank user Peader Stewart, “hang on, wait. We have a banking regulator? Sweet mother of Christ, this country’s a joke”.