Contract Clause Gives Simon Cowell Ownership Of Louis Tomlinson’s First Born


A SEEMINGLY inconsequential clause in the contracts of One Direction members has resulted in Louis Tomlinson’s first born being handed over to Simon Cowell once the child is born.

“I vaguely remembered something like that in the contract, but I mean I was young and foolish, I didn’t think of the consequences and now I’ve really got no choice,” Louis Tomlinson told tabloid reporters, as he addressed the long standing rumours.

The first born progeny of all One Direction members is subject to what people have called the excessive ‘future offspring’ section of the 2,500 page contract.

“Look, I’m getting a lot of stick for this, but be honest do you read all those terms and conditions bullshit that goes with all those apps and iTunes and shit? No, of course not,” an angry Tomlinson added, responding to online criticism.

Once the child is born it will be handed over to Simon Cowell who will relocate the child to a farm in southern California, known as The Boyband Factory.

“Setting up a slave labour camp geared towards creating the next boy band or girlband is actually proving much cheaper than running the X Factor and Britain’s Got Talent,” a Cowell insider told WWN.

“It’s not as cruel as it sounds in fairness, they are only expected to learn complicated dance routine once they begin walking, we’re not monsters,” added the source.

Rumours that Zayn Malik left the band because of this particular clause are as of yet unconfirmed. Additional sources with knowledge of the band have said that it is nothing short of a miracle that the singer is expecting at all, considering the band are limited to just three ejaculations a year between them.

“It’s okay, I suppose once this one is born, we can just have another one,” Tomlinson concluded, before adding he would actually have to double-check his contract to see if this was viable.