Fungi Refusing To Renew Contract With Dingle Council


LAWYERS representing Fungi the dolphin have refused to renew a four year contract with Kerry county council, claiming the marine animal’s lavish lifestyle far outreaches the €4.5mn offer they put on the table last month.

Fungi, real name George Cetacea, has reportedly asked for ten million euros to continue entertaining tourists until 2024, stating that he was “sick of being used” by the local tourism board for what he calls “a sardine payment”.

“George’s rigorous schedule sees him working 19 hours a day during the Summer months and is now insisting on a large increase in his salary going forward,” solicitor Eamon Keane told WWN.

Mr. Cetacea is the fifth Fungi the dolphin to fulfill the role since 1985 after a series of accidents and murders wiped out his predecessors. The original Fungi was killed by Jackie Healy Rae in 1998 after a drunken brawl in the harbour, which ended in the local politician stabbing the mammal several times in the head with a broken Guinness pint glass. He was later cleared of all charges after the judge ruled self-defence.

“Marine life is dangerous work and you can’t expect a star like George to work for peanuts,” said local tour operator Gerry Lahart. “His maintenance costs alone are six hundred thousand a year. Then take 40% tax from the rest. Those fin manicures aren’t cheap you know.”

It is estimated that the Fungi enterprise generates €46mn for the local economy every year through merchandising and tours.

Kerry county council refused to comment this evening.