Child Of Same Shit Parents Speaks Out On Referendum


ONE relatively large, but silent group of people who have yet to have their opinion aired on the subject of same sex parents have entered the debate today in an effort to sway those who may still be undecided on which way they are voting – people of same shit parents.

“I had the arse beaten off me by my Da and I turned out grand,” explained Andrew Crane to a crowd in Cork city this morning.

“Jesus when I think about it some days, well actually every second of every day, my arse looked more like a pair of tomatoes than anything else but sure look it, it’s just not right ignoring how the children will suffer. Ignoring my suffering and all the beatings I got from the Brothers as well are long gone and I’m glad some voters are selectively caring about children now the referendum has come along,” Crane told WWN.

Niamh Lally, a 37-year-old Cork native and chairperson of Same Shit Parents Ireland support group was just one of several people who addressed a small crowd at a public meeting this morning in the people’s republic, in the hopes of highlighting the much ignored group of Ireland’s same shit parents.

“I would strongly urge you to consider my experience when voting tomorrow, as growing up I knew I wasn’t different and no one seemed to care and that was of great comfort to me,” Lally said of her childhood which wasn’t full of happy memories purely because she had a mother and father.

“Many people are quite vocal about how it is about the children and I’m glad they’ve taken a close interest some 30 years too late in my case,” Lally added, “if it wasn’t for the custom of some kind members of the parish my Mother would have nearly gone out of business selling her body and then how would she and my father have paid for drugs?”

Incessantly told she was just like everyone, Lally began to accept the fact she was one of the lucky ones as her same shit parents were market leaders in love and affection purely because of their traditional marriage.

“I might not have had any opportunities in life, but I was left alone to it all with none of this talk of shipping me off to a well adjusted and loving Adam and Steve or whatever, which really helps me to reconcile with the wonderful childhood I didn’t have when talking to my therapist”.

The crowd then heard from 6-year-old Thomas Fogerty, the young fella who lives across the way. He spoke eloquently about how people often hear his same shit parents having screaming matches every evening and that when people see that Barnardos ad on TV they probably think of him, but have yet to do anything about it even though they saw his dad push him to ground and kick him last year when he refused to come in from playing outside.

“Is it right that those that campaign for a no vote, have historically shown little appetite for protecting children such as myself, who are forced to grow up in an intimidating environment? Is it right that they’ll go back to not caring until the next threat to Catholic influence comes along?”