Man’s Tale Of Nightclub Bouncer Confrontation To Differ Wildly From Actual Events

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REPORTS are coming in to WWN claiming that a Dublin student’s account of an altercation with a bouncer who refused him entry to a popular nightclub will be almost unrecognisable from actual events by the time he tells his friends about it tomorrow.

Shane Ryan, 21, had attempted to enter trendy Dublin hotspot Bonviron to join his friends from college who had already gained access earlier in the night. Ryan, who had been drinking at home while playing FIFA online, was refused entry by both of the club’s doorstaff due to his inebriated state, lack of ID, and general toe-raggish demeanour.

Sent packing with nothing to say for himself, Ryan spent the journey home creating an elaborate tale of his heroic wit in the face of adversity, despite the fact that he barely said a word to the bouncers when they told him he wasn’t getting in.

“Yeah, the actual course of events doesn’t do much for me, to be honest” said Ryan, a renowned bullshitter.

“So when I get talking to the lads tomorrow, it’ll be more about how I gave the bouncers a bit of a fucking off, had the perfect cheeky quips and smart-arse answers for them”.

“It’ll generally paint me as a cool character who didn’t really want to get into the nightclub at all, like I just queued up for an hour to give backchat to two 6 foot bodybuilders. Right now I use the phrase ‘so then I told them’ about nine times in the story, and I might throw in another few”.

The new tale of Ryan being cool in the face of authority will be added to his library of fictitious anecdotes, which include the tale of when he told his boss what he thought of him, and the time he told a guard to go catch some real criminals after being pulled over for driving in a bus lane.

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