Offaly Just Happy To Be In The News Following Cannabis Bust


THE people of Offaly are today celebrating after discovering their county is the source of much intrigue and speculation due to a cannabis seizure worth a whopping €240,000.

“We’ll admit it’s not one of those fancy drug seizures you’d find up in Dublin but Jesus sure isn’t good to have a bit of news,” offered Offaly county councillor Brendan Duff, “I mean, if you were allowed to dream for a moment you might wish it was heroin, just to sex it up a bit”.

“This could be a career making incident for myself so obviously I’m biased,” shared local historian Frank Jenkins, who admittedly has had little history to record for much of the past 20 years, “God I could get a good Wikipedia article out of this”.

However, some locals aren’t as enthusiastic at the prospect of becoming known as a notorious illegal drug hub.

“I’m not happy someone was growing the hashish and what have you, but it is nice to be in the news all the same. Seeing the RTÉ news van drive by, it was like Christmas or something,” Tullamore local Elaine Hennessey told WWN.

Enterprising politician Duff has confirmed Offaly will attempt to maximise the economic potential from such a minor profile event.

“Well, I’ve written to the mayor of Amsterdam looking to see if he would want to twin Offaly with Amsterdam, since you know, we now share a similar drug culture,” explained Duff.

“It’s a bit soon to be talking tours of the ‘drug house’ but I told the RTÉ cameraman there that if he wanted to film Love/Hate down here it’d be no problem”.

It is not yet known how the locality will fare in their attempts to return to normality in the coming days, but for many this day in which Offaly made the news will live long in the memory.