‘Happy’ Not Seeming So Bad Now That ‘Uptown Funk’ Being Played 24/7
SEVERAL members of the music-loving public has issued unreserved apologies to hit-maker Pharrell Williams following several weeks spent trying to avoid ‘Uptown Funk’ as it is played on every radio station 24/7.
“Now when I look back, I suppose Happy wasn’t all that bad. I might have even sung along once or twice,” explained self-confessed music fan Killian Scannon, “but Uptown-fecking-funk is played so much that my dreams have been entirely made up of the video for that bloody song.”
Killian was speaking from St. John of Gods hospital where he surrendered himself to staff earlier today in an attempt to escape the Mark Ronson/Bruno Mars monster hit which they hope no one noticed them liberally borrows from Prince, James Brown and Earth, Wind and Fire.
“We’ve never seen anything like it, he’s a shell of a man. He came in today screaming ‘don’t make me listen to it again!’ And sure didn’t the nurses’ station happen to be it blaring on the stereo. It was a terrifying few minutes,” Dr. Conor Shields of St. John of Gods explained.
Killian is not alone in wishing he could return to a simpler time when an individual was only subjected to hearing the song du jour 12, maybe 13 times a day.
“I’ll be honest, it’s ruined my life,” explained DJ Robotronic, also known as Gary O’Connor, “I’d typically play chart stuff – I love the music, I’m not ashamed to say it, but since Mars and Ronson came along with this toe-tapping abomination I’ve been in agony”.
Mr. Robotronic went on to explain how avid nightclub goers have been so concerned that a DJ might not play the most popular song in the World right now that they arrive six hours before the clubs open, forming an orderly queue, in which they then shout ‘Uptown Funk’ incessantly until he gives in.
“Last week I was in Cork doing a slot and I walked in, pressed play on Uptown Funk and left it on repeat for 9 hours. Nobody complained, I mean nobody,” a distressed Robotron explained, “I probably played Happy twice a night at most, now those were the days”.
If you’ve been affected by the ubiquity of Uptown Funk sadly there is no escape.