Hipster To Spend Entire Afternoon Reading Demis Roussos’ Wiki Page


SELF-CONFESSED hipster and music guru Harold Casey has had to reschedule a very important meeting about a cafe idea this Monday lunchtime over the untimely passing of one Demis Roussos – a Greek singer he surprisingly has never heard of.

Casey, who immediately turned off his Nokia 3210 in a bold bid to avoid any queries about the singer, Googled Roussos’ long and illustrious career, hoping to memorise the series of facts laid out in front of him.

“Ah ha! He was in the band Aphrodite’s Child,” he tried fooling himself, knowing he had never actually heard of that band either. “Fuck it. I can’t believe this guy sold 60 million albums worldwide! I hope none of the lads know more about him than I do. That would be a disaster.”

Pressing on his phone power button, the 33-year-old pondered which friend to ring first to rattle off his new found knowledge.

“Daniel will probably know all about him, so I better leave him till later – after I get some practice runs in first.”

“Jason is probably my best shot at this,” he whispered to himself, before calling.

“Hello, Jason?” he said. “You’ll never guess who’s after dying today. Demis Roussos. Yeah. The poor chap had some sort of illness. Shocked is not the word. I was only listening to Aphrodite’s Child the other day an’ all. Tragic, and on such a great day for Greece too. Very sad. Tell the lads I told ya, will ya?”

Happy with his summarised eulogy, Casey updated his Ello social network status with a Guardian article reporting the tragic news, with the comment ‘What a legend. He’ll be sorely missed’, followed by a Greek google translate version of Rest in Peace which read: ‘Αναπαύσου εν ειρήνη’

“I’m in the safe house now,” he said to himself. “Hopefully the lads won’t suspect a thing.”