Wetherspoons Hotel And Pub To Offer On-Site Stomach Pumping In New Venture

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PUB chain giant JD Wetherspoons is set for new Camden Street venture and will provide the country with its first on-site stomach pumping facility.

The proposed site on Camden Street will see Wetherspoons expand into Dublin City centre for the first time with a pub, 100-room hotel and a state of the art stomach pumping room.

“A facility like this is long overdue,” admitted a spokesman for the Vintners Association of Ireland, “I would expect to see this sort of thing replicated nationwide on most premises that serve very cheap alcohol”.

The state of the art facility has been praised by nurses who deal with hundreds of incidents of stomach pumping on a weekly basis.

“It’s a lifesaver for us in the A&E departments,” Nurse Aine Slattery confirmed, “it leaves us to look after people with more serious injuries and also on the flip-side, when myself and the girls are out on a night out, we can get our stomachs pumped and then carry on drinking”.

Staff at the proposed pub will receive all the necessary training in plying young people with very cheap alcohol as well as being able to pump 12 stomachs per minute.

While nearby nightclub Coppers is said to be outraged that someone is ‘moving in on their turf’, insiders have suggested it may force the club to go with the times.

“Up to this point Coppers has survived on the trap door system whereby they sweep any and all vomit along with the person who got sick down a trap door, thus alleviating any problems for those patrons who have yet to empty out that evening lasagne dinner onto the dance floor,” confirmed regular pint drinker Malachy Devins.

Wetherspoons have yet to confirm if they will resell the contents of patrons’s stomachs under a craft beer label.

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