Tensions Mount In United States After Cops Shoot Black Friday


TENSIONS have grown today in the USA, as reports began to emerge that members of the Police Department had shot and killed Black Friday.

Black Friday, the day following Thanksgiving, is traditionally known as the start of the Christmas shopping period in America. Many stores open early, and offer huge discounts leading to a massive surge in customers throughout the day. However, this huge increase in trade has on occasion resulted in violent outbursts from shoppers, leading many retailers to express concern and increase security for the day.

Following 911 calls yesterday from stores warning police that Black Friday was approaching, officers across all 50 states began firing their weapons until emergency services pronounced Black Friday to be dead. Calenders rolled straight into Saturday the 29th, causing a huge social upheaval which many fear will escalate into violent riots.

“Black Friday is a peaceful day, never did any harm to anybody, but all of a sudden the police just roll up and shoot it dead” said one furious shopper.

“They’ll say they were just responding to a 911 call from concerned stores, but there’s 51 other Fridays every year that don’t get shot, and you and I know both know why; ’cause they ain’t Black Friday. You don’t ever hear about cops shooting no Good Friday”.

Following the incident, the United States Justice department issued a statement in which it praised the bravery of the officers involved, and urged people across the nation to be calm following the unfortunate event.

“Early on Thanksgiving, we received calls from stores expressing their concern for the safety of both their staff and their customers, due to the impending arrival of Black Friday” said Jarrod Mackenzie, spokesperson for the Justice Department.

“Our officers quickly dealt with the situation, but when Black Friday continued to approach they had no choice but to resolve the matter using deadly force. People must appreciate the dangers faced by officers on duty, and I urge citizens to remain calm during these times”.

Protests are expected to continue across the Thanksgiving weekend, as it was reported that officers involved in the shooting are to face no charges.