New Passport Photo To Make Man Look Like Sexual Predator For Next Ten Years

THERE was anguish for a Dublin man who received his new passport in the post this morning, as he realised the photo used will make him look like a sex criminal for the next ten years.

53-year-old Kevin Halligen, with an address at Drumcondra, expressed dismay upon seeing the photo, in which he looks like a child molester on day release.

Having opted for a ten-year passport, Halligen now faces a decade of anxiety in airports while approaching customs officers, in fear that the terrible photo will garner him unwanted attention from border police and customs officers.

“Look at the head on me; I look like a pure nonce,” sighed Mr. Halligen, who appears quite normal in real life. “When I went to get the photo taken, it looked sort of alright, but when they cropped it here and laminated over it, I just look like Ted fuckin’ Bundy”.

“I rang the passport office, and there’s nothing I can do. Even if I had another 80 euro to spend, you can’t send your passport back and get a new one just because you hate the photo. You can only get a new one if yours is lost or stolen, and even then you need to get a thing signed by the Guards… Sure, they’re only going to think I’m a paedo if I go in and tell them why I need a new passport”.

Halligen’s woes are common among recipients of new passports, due to the strict rules for the photographs admissible.

Guidelines from the Department of Foreign Affairs dictate that applicants must not smile or pose in passport photos, but instead must stare blankly at the camera in a gaze normally used by sexual predators as they fantasize about abducting their next victim.

These strict rules have lead to an online petition to allow new applicants to crack a smile in their passport photos, which has so far garnered 750,000 signatures.