Irish Ebola ‘Ruled Out’ After Woman’s Symptoms Carefully Typed Into Google

IRELAND’S first case of Ebola was ruled out this afternoon after a suspected patient’s symptoms were carefully typed into Google, much to the disgust of the local media.

The woman, who recently returned from Africa before falling ill in a house in West Dublin, was taken to the National Isolation Unit at the Mater Hospital as a “precaution”, according to a spokesperson for the Hospital.

“We rarely get to use the isolation unit here so there was some excitement among the junior doctors when she was admitted this morning,” said hospital chief Dr. Donald Murray. “Unfortunately, after carefully typing her symptoms into Google, we found the patient does not carry the disease and will be released back into the wild this afternoon”.

Earlier, several units of Dublin Fire Brigade, paramedics in bio hazard suits, ambulances and Gardaí flocked to the scene in a dramatic display of unease fueled by the surrounding press.

“We are quite proud of the way it was handled,” said a paramedic who attended the scene earlier. “The press turned up right after we cordoned off the area. We were also wearing those white suits at the time, so we looked the part. If anything, it was like a dress rehearsal for the real thing.”

Health Minister Leo Varadkar said a number of people have presented themselves at hospitals over the past two months claiming they have the deadly disease. He later thanked staff at the Matter hospital for treating the suspected patient and urged people who believe they may have the symptoms to “Google it first” before worrying everybody.

“Unless you’re bleeding from every orifice then you’re grand,” he advised the worried nation. “And if you do have the symptoms make sure you contact the press first before ringing the ambulance. People need to be informed of such things before they are confirmed”.