Hurricane To Bring Strong Winds, Rain & Excuse To Moan About Everything


hurricane gonzalo

THE blustery and rain-soaked aftermath of Hurricane Gonzalo is fast approaching Irish shores, giving dour and negative people the perfect excuse to moan about everything.

Sustained winds and unrelenting rain will provide some people with a thinly veiled an opportunity to shoehorn in any grievances they currently have into conversations about the weather, despite having intangible links to the subject of current weather conditions.

“Oh God, I’ll be staying in tonight I can tell you that much, the weather will be cat,” Lorna Dunlop told her office colleagues this morning before taking the opportunity to additionally moan about something she was quite negatively passionate about.

“But that means I’ll have to listen to the neighbours, Lithuanians, talking foreign through the walls. The estate isn’t the same since those eejits moved in, I wouldn’t be surprised if they are doing something illegal,” Lorna added.

It is expected that other individuals will not hide their casual racism or grievances as expertly as Lorna did earlier today.

“I’ve my umbrella glued to me so I do,” remarked Anne Keenan in the post office queue this lunchtime before adding “my husband – the fecking slob, probably loves all this rain. That’s just typical of the useless lump”.

As many as 4 in 5 Irish people will take the opportunity to give out about something ever so loosely connected to the approaching bad weather in an effort to be heard and understood.

This trend has even extended to weather reporting itself with RTÉ meteorologist Jean Byrne spending upwards of seven minutes on a diatribe about the assassination of JFK and the nature of the CIA cover up directly after finishing her weather report of the impending torrential rain.