GOVERNMENTS across the world have agreed to put aside petty squabbles and pool their resources for a groundbreaking new study which aims to finally figure out what the fuck is wrong with some people.
The search for an answer to the question of what the fuck is that guy’s problem has long eluded students of both science and religion, with no answer being readily available. With world leaders pooling the resources available to them over the next 12 months, many hope that once an answer is found as to why some people do the shit they do, we as a species will finally be able to flourish.
Headed by some of the planets brightest and best philosophers, psychiatrists and anthropologists, a team of specialists will work on cracking the reason why some people are just dicks. Working on one of the broadest group of test subjects ever assembled for a study into human behaviour, these experts hope to pinpoint the exact set of reasons and circumstances that cause ordinary, good people to do extraordinarily, bad things.
“On at least one occasion per day, we find ourselves stopping and thinking, ‘what the fuck is wrong with some people?'” said Dr. Herbert Schumann, chief spokesperson for the study. “Whether it happens when someone cuts you off in traffic, or attacks a minority out of pure hate, or if you read in the news about a tragedy such as the murder of a child by their parents… You stop and wonder, what the fuck is wrong with some people? Why do they do these things?”.
“With our research over the next 12 months, we hope to isolate the reasons behind some of the most inexplicable actions that ordinary people have committed. Once we pin down what it is that causes people to do these things, we will then begin work on stopping them. Hopefully this will lead to a world where you never again have to ask yourself ‘why the fuck would a person do something like that?'”.
Although Dr, Schulmann remained optimistic about a successful outcome to the project, the rest of the world have their doubts.
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