Daring Securicor Heist Carried Out By Daydreaming Man In Bank Queue


THE MOST daring bank robbery in the history of the state was carried out yesterday, in the vivid imagination of a Dundalk man waiting in a queue at the Clanbrassil Street branch of AIB.

Sean Moore, of Duleek in Louth, made off with upwards of 5 million euro after his foolproof plot to rob the Securicor guard entering the bank was carried off in broad daylight.

Mr. Moore was able to pull off the daring heist while completely unarmed, by using a combination of his roguish attitude and a charming-but-vaguely-threatening speech which even the bank-tellers agreed was totally bad-ass.

Eyewitnesses in his head described the raid as the stuff of Hollywood legend, and credited Moore with a high amount of criminal ingenuity for both the way he dragged a pot plant over to hold the automatic doors open, and also for the sweet way he slid across the bonnet of his car while making his getaway.

The robbery is the latest in a series of imaginary crimes perpetrated by the daring Louth man, following his theft of a Brinks briefcase filled with thousands of euro, while queuing at the Post Office, after which he stole the cash-in-transit van and gave the cops and the army the slip in a high-speed, highly destructive chase through Dundalk.

With a 5 million imaginary euro now at his disposal, Moore intends to pay off his mortgage and buy his mum a big house, after which he will go on a trip around the world and give a load of money to charity and maybe buy a Monster truck or something.