Irish Public Seek To Identify And Reward Man Who Beat Charles Haughey



THE FORMER Taoiseach’s apparent assault at the hands of an unnamed assailant has come to light following revelations from a book on the life of T.K Whitaker.

In the book Whitaker is quoted as saying Charles Haughey missed the 1970 budget speech after being assaulted with an iron bar in a public house. These revelations have prompted much discussion amongst the Irish public with many seeking to identify and reward the good Samaritan.

“I wouldn’t go overboard with praising him, he did attack someone with an iron bar after all,” explained Dubliner Cian Lowney, “but giving the freedom of the city to him should suffice”.

Many members of the public have also sought to identify the latest winner of the Euro Millions jackpot, hoping they will donate some if not all of their winnings to the anonymous person who allegedly violently attacked Charles Haughey.

“I think I have a line on him,” explained Michael Hennigan, “not Haughey’s attacker now but the lotto winner. My neighbour John is after buying a new washing machine, the flash bastard has already let his winnings go to his head.”

Public support for rewarding the attacker continues to gather momentum. While several people have urged to public not to forget to acknowledge and praise the role of the iron bar itself, stating it should be preserved and kept in a museum somewhere.

“I think it would send out the right message about Ireland, you know, if we were the type to generously donate a Euro Millions win to the lad who bet the head off a former Taoiseach,” offered Joanne Duffy, a teacher and mother-of-three.