Penalty Points Still Optional If You Know The Right Guard



WWN can exclusively reveal that penalty points are in fact void if you know the right member of An Garda Síochana.

This news will come as a relief to a number of judges, businessmen, politicians and off duty Gardaí as it was long feared this practice, often wrongly referred to as corruption or dereliction of duty, had come to an end.

Certain members of the country’s police force have bravely battled past colleague’s bullying and intimidation tactics to ensure a select few members of the public are entitled to no penalty points whatsoever. In some cases, they have even managed to ignore a discriminatory rules recently introduced to combat gardaí cancelling penalty points ‘for the craic’.

“I was shitting it there for a while,” admitted an inebriated district court judge to WWN as he was pulled in by the Gardaí, “I had heard the pigs were chucking points at ya for silly things like doing coke off a stripper’s back while driving, but then what guard came up to the window only Sean and sure he doesn’t give a fuck so he let me off,” added the relieved judge as he relieved himself in the middle of the road.

Similarly several local politicians received a stern talking to but no penalty points as they sped through the Wicklow mountains in a bid to dispose of the dead prostitute’s body.

“Boys will be boys as they say. We got a bit carried away, but if you start doling out points to politicians for speeding next thing you know you’re jailing us if we turn out to be corrupt and then what sort of society would we have?” offered the unnamed TD who was clearly under the influence of having some influence.

Senior Garda figures now have the unenviable task of actually knowing what is going on in their police force, but it has been suggested that any cruel attempt to get a minority of corrupt gardaí to stop will be met with stern and brave opposition.