Ireland Opens New 17th Century Mental Health Facility

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THE GOVERNMENT has welcomed their own decision to open a brand new 17th century mental health facility in an unsuitable location somewhere.

The facility was opened via a ceremonial ribbon cutting to which no expert in the field of mental health was invited, although a world record for high fives and back slapping was set by attending politicians. It is believed the impromptu opening of the facility was in reaction to criticism from experts who believe mental health is the biggest unmet need in Irish society.

The facility, complete with a dungeon that has fully functioning cast iron shackles, will be responsible for providing mental health services and will use cutting edge thinking from the year 1867 to help inform all practices.

“We’re quite chuffed with ourselves if we’re being honest,” explained a Government spokesman, as he flicked through the pages of a 17th century medical journal.

The underfunded area of mental health received a boost this year when the suicide prevention budget doubled to a staggering €8 million, some €3 million short of the €11 million budget the Government afforded a tourism push for Ireland in the remaining months of 2014.

With the demand and waiting lists for mental health services increasing in recent years the Government has placed themselves in a soundproof padded cell in the new facility where they can conveniently ignore the people’s cries for help. Here it will be easier to ignore the fact that there are 1,000 fewer full time positions in the HSE than of those present in 2009.

It is thought the facility will be somewhat affected by the €15 million reduction in the budget for developing community mental health services. The 17th century modeled facility will carry out 50% fewer lobotomies this year, but thankfully the facility’s drab and neglected edifice will be used as a location in a dozen Hollywood horror movies.

Unlike several supposed crises reported on in the media, the suicide rates in Ireland are truly a blight on communities throughout the country, but thankfully the construction of this new 17th century facility, finished off by TDs who helpfully papered over some of its cracks, will go along way to solving the problem.

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