“A Yes Vote For Independence Is The Only Thing That Makes Social And Economic Sense For The Scottish People”, Says Dublin Scumbag Wearing A Celtic Jersey

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AS VOTING day in the Scottish independence referendum draws closer, a Celtic jersey-wearing Dublin toerag has weighed in with his opinion on the crucial poll. With opinions polls showing the Yes side making significant gains against the No vote, Declan “Ecky” Walsh made his argument for an independent Scotland to a congregation of drunks in a Dorset St. early house at 9:30 this morning.

Wearing his trademark Celtic FC 2008 jersey despite his lack of interest in the Scottish Premier League or indeed football in general, Walsh moved to assuage fears that an independent Scotland would lead to economic turmoil for Scottish citizens. Speaking passionately to the congregated derelicts, the 26-year-old made assurances that arguments made by the No side were nothing more than scaremongering tactics cooked up by Westminster to retain its hold on the North.

“If it’s a question of wealth, then one needs to look no further than the richness of Scotland’s oil reserves,” said Ecky, who has been on crutches for the past two years.

“But at the minute, the bulk of the money from the North Sea goes directly to London, where parliament assigns it to mainly English concerns. Scotland gaining independence would see this oil money staying in Scotland, leading many economic professors to theorize that Scotland would become one of the wealthiest nations in Europe”.

“Of course, this is in stark contrast to the opinions of the No campaign, who are working under the direct control of the Tory/Lib Dem coalition government. Fearing the loss of this oil revenue, they’re doing their best to scare Scottish people into throwing away their only chance at independence; a cowardly and self-serving goal, I’m sure you’ll agree”.

Stepping into the warm Dorset St. sunshine for a piss and a smoke, Walsh made further scathing comments about the inequalities that are rampant under the current United Kingdom government, as well as discussing further ways independence would benefit the Scots.

“Since 2001, Scotland has voted only one Conservative MP into Westminster, and yet it is currently governed by the Conservative party… How is that democracy?” asked Walsh, currently wearing €15 jeans and €150 runners.

“Independence for Scotland means that there almost certainly will never be a conservative rule in the country ever again; this is welcomed by most Scots after years of stringent austerity measures enforced by the current government. Centralized services in the UK are mostly located in the south, meaning a paucity of public sector jobs north of Newcastle. Striking out on her own, Scotland will need to recruit thousands of her own people to provide services, leading to a massive jobs boost straight from the off”.

Walsh paused his case for independence at this stage to go and collect his social, but promised to return within the hour to clear up uncertainties around Scotland participation in the European Union, as well as issues surrounding currency and defence.

 

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