3 in 4 Arseholes Now Claiming To Be Entrepreneurs



A STUDY carried out by the Irish chambers of commerce has revealed that as many as 3 out of every 4 arseholes are now claiming to entrepreneurs.

While Ireland has long endured a reputation as a nation of begrudgers, this latest study reveals that in this instance any and all ridicule is completely justified.

Despite the overwhelmingly positive public response to the study, some people have spoken out against the recent findings.

“This is typical of Ireland, always putting down job creators like myself,” said Johnny Devine, a self-confessed entrepreneur and closet arsehole who has created close to no jobs in his time as CEO of Devine’s Bikes For Cats.

“All this negativity is enough to make some brilliant people like myself pack it in,” explained Vincent Mulligan, who has presided over his diamond encrusted sock business for 12 years, “I don’t want to be part of a country that doesn’t thank me for existing,” added Mulligan who once spent €4,000 on getting just the right business card.

The study revealed that only 25% of arseholes are not claiming to be entrepreneurs, with these individuals spending record amounts of time not agonising over how to describe themselves on their Linkedin profiles.

“We’ve probably reached saturation point in the arsehole entrepreneur bracket,” explained business expert Fran Scanlan, “the Government is looking into extending tax breaks for arsehole entrepreneurs if they promise to shut to fuck up about their great idea for an app or how the entire country has it in for them because ‘they are jealous of my vision'”.