Balotelli Tells Liverpool Fans He Has Matured While Urinating From Helicopter



LIVERPOOL fans have responded to the news that Mario Balotelli is set to join their club with some trepidation, mainly due to the Italian striker’s colourful on and off the field antics.

However, the Anfield faithful received some reassuring news from the player himself as he arrived in Liverpool for contract talks.

From his helicopter, while urinating on Everton’s nearby Goodison Park, Balotelli confirmed he has matured as a man and a player much to the relief of last year’s premier league runners up. Speaking to fans via a diamond encrusted megaphone, Balotelli also listed his favourite things which included scoring goals, watching the Brookside DVD Boxset and eating dinner at lunch, breakfast at dinner and lunch at breakfast.

“Well, that’s a relief,” remarked one fan as he frantically ran for cover away from the low flying helicopter and erratically aimed urine.

Fans then politely declined Balotelli’s welcoming gift offer to burn down Goodison Park.

Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers has stated he is confident that the 24-year-old Italian will fit into his squad, but will ultimately result in the manager suffering several near-fatal heart attacks.

Balotelli’s representatives have denied claims that the player has already removed the famous and historic ‘This is Anfield’ sign and replaced it with a sign that reads ‘If you touch this you think Mario is the bestest person in the world’.

Balotelli will wear the number badoon shirt, a specially designed number created by the player himself, which is believed to be somewhere in between nine and ten.