ISIS Suicide Bombers Go On Strike Amid Safety Fears



FOLLOWING a recent incident which saw a suicide bomb instructor blow himself, a growing number of members of the repellent extremist group ISIS have gone on strike.

The blowing up of a suicide bomb instructor has raised serious questions about safety among the forces who are attempting to institute a tyrannical caliphate throughout Iraq.

“I mean when I joined the recruiters really stressed the bit about virgins in heaven, there was less talk about the blowing up. Now that my instructor is after blowing himself up in error, I’m really not sure about this whole thing,” shared Syrian national Ibrahim Zahri.

A number of the burgeoning suicide bomb squad has complained that funding earmarked for safety has instead gone toward extensive PR work on ISIS’s image which has seen it rebranded as simply the Islamic State.

“I was told of all these health care options and benefits, but they have been reneged on,” explained striker Abu Alam, “it’s frustrating because I went into this thinking ‘yeah, interpreting holy texts incorrectly to fit my hateful world view while killing innocent minorities could be fun but then they cancelled the staff trip to the cinema at the weekend to see Guardians of the Galaxy. I really wanted to see Guardians of the Galaxy”.

While a reluctant striker and jihadist Aahil Majid was less keen on the strike action taken.

“I don’t want to cause a big fuss, but it would be nice to get some clarification just on some small safety issues,” offered Aahil, “I’m sure a brief company wide email would do the trick, but I know some of the leaders are busy, it’s more my wife who wants to know to be honest”.

ISIS commanders claim this accident was a once off while pointing to the safety record of the suicide bomber training camp before this incident.

“Of course you are going to have a few ‘uh oh’ moments in any workplace that has homemade explosive devices, that is just how it is,” explained ISIS commander Muhammad Dallal before he began quoting a passage of the Koran, careful to leave out the bits that condemns the kind of actions ISIS regularly carries out.

Strikers on the picket line carried several placards much to the dismay of ISIS leaders. Cathy slogans including ‘No blow up until you pay up’ and ‘My last job gave me a promotion before asking me to blow myself up’ have seen the striker gain the attention of the media but it is thought Iraq’s employment laws will do little to help back up the worker’s cause.