Taxpayers Queue Up Looking For Their Money Back As AIB Returns To Profit


aib bank

Cries of ‘giz a few fuckin’ euro so’ were heard from outside the headquarters of AIB following the news that the bank, bailed out with taxpayers money several years ago, recorded a pre-tax profit of over €400 million.

Crowds began forming outside AIB’s Ballsbridge headquarters as the news filtered out to the public. Many in attendance brought various bills with them while simultaneously decrying property tax, water charges and the universal social charge, demanding that the bank pay all of them on behalf of the taxpayer.

“Oh I have the faintest notion as to what’s going on,” shared Sean Kavannagh, one of many individuals who came to AIB with the desire to get ‘a couple of quid’, “I just saw everyone shouting about AIB being in profit so I thought, fuck it, if I keep shouting ‘gimme a fuckin’ tenner’ and no one asks me questions, I might just get away with a few bob”.

A member of AIB staff to took the steps outside the offices in an attempt to explain that ‘this isn’t how it works’ only to be pelted with rotten fruit and vegetables by the crowd, who had now shockingly abandoned all previously agreed upon queuing methods. The 19-year-old intern then broke down in tears.

Gardaí were immediately called to the scene but in an unfortunate turn of events they too focused their anger on AIB for having the temerity to return to profit following the bank guarantee, citing Garda pay cuts among other things as reason to protest. Various pieces of riot gear were made available to the crowd resulting in several AIB staff being injured.

Attending paramedics then refused to treat the wounded as they too have suffered under the yoke of austerity, choosing instead to pass out oxygen to some of the angry crowd who then got very high.

As of 1pm today AIB have handed over as much as €12.79 to the angry mob which is made up mostly of loose change that was taken from staff as they were assaulted.