Bruton And Coveney To Draw Straws For Health Minister Job



WWN can exclusively reveal that TDs Richard Bruton and Simon Coveney have begged on their knees in front of the Taoiseach to avoid the prospect of becoming the next Minister for Health.

Often viewed as the worst ministerial portfolio on offer, many members of the current Government had preprepared a variety of excuses as to why they couldn’t be considered for the position. With a deficit for this year projected at close to €600 million, the Department of Health is almost guaranteed to drain the life out of any political career.

At a cabinet meeting this morning the Taoiseach spoke of a potential reshuffle and asked who would be interested in the health portfolio. Our government insider can reveal that all ministers tried to evade eye-contact with the Taoiseach with Phil Hogan rushing toward the window before throwing himself through the glass, making a safe escape.

Leo Varadkar, current Minister for Transport, Tourism and Sport, blurted out “I have aids, if you have aids you can’t be health minsiter, can you?” in the grip of panic. The Taoiseach reassured Varakar it would not effect his chances. The Minister then retracted his spur of the moment confession which he admitted was entirely untrue.

After some time it was decided Richard Bruton and Simon Coveney would draw straws for the position, this despite the public’s insistence that the Government chooses a Russian roulette style decision making process instead.

The results of the short straw poll outcome will be known when the cabinet reshuffle is announced.

Meanwhile, eye witness reports placed both Bruton and Coveney on the top of a staircase in Leinster House somewhere, forming a pact to injure themselves by throwing themselves down the steps, thus breaking something and ruling themselves out of the running for the time being at least. This method was later ruled out by both TDs after they realised they would have to be treated for their injuries in a packed A&E department.