‘Einy Meeny Miny Moe’ Obama Says As He Weighs Up Iraq Options
ONCE again WWN has trumped its news rivals to gain the exclusives others could only dream of. We were granted exclusive access to the White House situation room as the conflict in Iraq threatens to spiral out of control.
The situation room, much like any other conventional room, has a door, chairs and tables. What sets it apart is that, unlike other rooms it has the US President Barack Obama reclining in a chair within its walls.
The last few days have been testing for the President, it’s difficult to know what he hopes to do in terms of foreign policy relating to Iraq, but WWN got the impression he is severely pissed off that the Iraqi government have presented him with this conundrum.
“We’ve considered all the options, we were close to choosing the method of a well-considered flip of a politically sensitive coin, but we felt it wouldn’t seem serious enough to the public” shared White House Aide Gregory Chumm.
Obama critics have suggested his administration have been reluctant to make a choice, knowing that, regardless of the outcome it will probably haunt them forever.
“Hey, how about we just come back tomorrow and decide then. I’m not trying to avoid making a decision but maybe like we’ll come back tomorrow and be like ‘oh wow, I totally have it figured it out’, yay us” Obama said pleading with senior staff.
“We’re all trying to pitch in and help the Prez at this time,” shared White House intern Kyle Blawski, “I even started to type ‘what to do with Iraq’ into Google, but when I got to the ‘with’ part there was already a prompt ‘what to do with my life’. That gave me a lot pause for thought and I was thinking ‘screw this’ I don’t need the stress of re-invading Iraq, I’m gonna backpack around Europe instead.”
Following hours of deliberation whereby everyone made sure to look stern and contemplative, posing for photos in various politically charged poses, a decision was finally reached.
Obama would reach a definitive decision in regards to the unfolding chaos in Iraq by method of ‘Einy, meeny, miny, moe’.
“We’ve sealed several envelopes with different possible outcomes such as ‘drones’, ‘boots on the ground’, ‘free McDonalds’, ‘get the nuclear codes’ etc and now it’s up to the President to recite the rhyme,” shared Chumm.
It was at this point WWN was asked to leave the room, but with our ears close to the door of the White House situation room we could make out cries of “Shit, no we don’t want that one, can I have a do-over? Ok, let’s go again”.
A formal announcement on Iraq is expected shortly.