It’s The DWWNWCRU (Daily WWN World Cup Round Up)



All the best from the action in Brazil with WWN.

RTÉ continue to pull out all the stops when it comes to their unparalleled coverage of the World Cup. Yesterday evening saw former Ireland captain Kenny Cunningham and Eamon Dunphy come to blows over their opinions regarding England absentee John Terry. RTÉ had to cut to a commercial break after Cunningham ripped his shirt off and leaped across the table in Dunphy’s direction. Sadly Didi Hamann was knocked out cold in the crossfire.

More violent scenes were witnessed between Italy and Costa at half time yesterday as the two sides clashed in the tunnel. With Costa Rica 1-0 up at half time several Italian players were heard shouting ‘it’s not fair’ and ‘you’re not supposed to be winning’. Italian playmaker Andrea Pirlo was seen doing all his fighting on a reclining leather chair which was bizarrely left somewhere in the tunnel.

England have thanked Costa Rica for definitively knocking them out of the World Cup. It was feared an Italian victory would have seen English fans go into their final game with dangerously high levels of false hope.

France recorded a resounding 5-2 over their neighbours Switzerland. French fans have admitted they are struggling to come to terms with a national side that looks like it has got its shit together.

WWN cannot confirm reports that while no one was looking Sepp Blatter annexed Poland.

Today sees many people’s favourites Argentina take on nobody’s favourites Iran. Iran Coach Carlos Queiroz has confirmed he will quit his post after the tournament as he believes his team have been offered no support by Iranian officials. The Iranian government responded to these complaints by putting the air force and missile defence system on standby in the event that Lionel Messi enters the Iranian penalty box.

Bookies are offering odds of 2/1 for a 22-0 Argentinian victory.

Germany play Ghana in the 8pm kick off with a German victory likely. However, various Ghanian witch doctors have admitted the German bus team bus will be struck by lightning as it passes through a hurricane on its way to a tsunami. Other likely witch doctor scenarios that are less dramatic involve German manager Joachim Loew slipping in the shower and really hurting his elbow.

Bosnia play Nigeria in the late kick off football fans really don’t want to stay up until 1am watching but will do so regardless.

Last night’s late kick off saw Ecuador play Honduras. Many fan expressed disappointment as the match failed to descend into MMA-style combat for 90 minutes.