Toddler Gives Not One Single Fuck About Zoo


A trip to Dublin Zoo by Waterford couple Mark and Brenda Hart and their 15 month old son Jack went ahead at the weekend, despite the child’s absolute lack of interest in anything other than scribbling and banging bits of Lego together.

Showing utter disregard for his parents €170 season ticket, the young man spent the entire excursion in his stroller chewing his blankie, pausing only halfway through for his midday bottle and a nap that lasted until he was halfway back down the M9.

Attempts by his parents to get him to look at ‘the roar-roar’ or the ‘stinky hippo’ proved fruitless as the disinterested child defiantly gazed at the sky while squirming and pulling at the restraints of his pushchair.

A trip to the Simian Habitat descended into chaos when Mark lifted his son onto his shoulders to give him a better view of the silly monkeys being silly, resulting in the irritated infant pitching an epic tantrum that drew tuts from surrounding families and curious stares from an Orangutan.

Photos uploaded to his mothers Facebook page in an album titled “Jacks First Trip to the Zoo!” show the headstrong bairn slouched in his buggy in front of an array of animal enclosures, including one in front of the penguin pool in which vague traces of a smile can be seen on his Milkybar covered face and an awkward selfie with his mam in which the mane of a lion can be sort of seen in the far distance.

“Jack loved the zoo”, said his parents in an official statement made repeatedly to very single family member and co-worker over the course of the following week. “He had a great time. Loves animals, just loves them. He was looking at them all, making the noises, calling them over… we couldn’t get him out of the place!”

Jack was unavailable for comment due to prior commitments with some Liga and an episode of The Wiggles.