End Of Movember Sees Dramatic Reduction In ‘Creepy-Looking Men’
Yesterday marked the first day of December and thus the end of the month long metamorphosis men go through to look like creepy sex offenders.
It was with joy and happiness the women of Ireland greeted December the 1st as their friends, sons, brothers and partners finally shaved off their impressively unsettling facial hair.
Raising money for prostate cancer charities in the month of November has become commonplace in Ireland, but comes at a grave cost for women throughout the country. “I think it’s great, what Antony did, but I was violently ill everything I looked at him,” said Maura Harrington of her husband, “I thought it was the winter vomiting bug at first but turned out I was just incredibly repulsed by my husband of 12 years”.
“My youngest asked me about two weeks into Tom growing his moustache ‘why did the bad man kill daddy and replace him with a crude and creepily moustached approximation?’ She had nightmare after nightmare,” said mother-of-two Clara Daly.
An online petition has gained widespread support from women up and down the country which suggests that next Movember Irish men should be paid to not grow facial with initial studies suggesting it will raise close 700% more money for charity.
Meanwhile, as a result of the post-Movember shave, the Nation’s sexual deviants can no longer hide in plain sight and must find more effective methods with which to disguise themselves.